WHAT IS TRUE AND WHAT IS FALSE?

A SOMETIMES HUMOUROUS - SOMETIMES SERIOUS LOOK AT 'MODERN SCIENCE' AND MODERN PHILOSOPHIES.

Fore Note - Some of what you are about to read will attack many preconceived ideas you have had as far back as you can remember. If you read this all at once your mind will have great difficulty believing that a society can have that much falsehood so ingrained in it.

Disclaimer - Any likeness to anyone living or dead or any organisation is purely er..uh..er accidental.

Dinosaurs - Was there a dinosaur age?



Evolution - Do cats turn into dogs?



Space Age - What does that mean?



Atoms - Do such things exist?



Philosophies - Are psychology and philosophy sciences or just guesses?



Ice Age - Sounds good, doesn't it?



Stone Age - Was there a time when all mankind lived in caves?



The Brain - Does it really think?



Mono and Stereo Lithic Ages - What 'scientists' can invent.



Dating Methods - It's definitely MILLIONS of years old!



Iron Age - Was this the beginning of the use of Iron?



Bronze Age - A bit of comic relief.



Dark Ages - Has the knowledge of man evolved or just revolved?



Monkey-Ape Time - Did our fathers swing from trees?



Fact or Fiction - What is true?



Science - Religion - What is the difference between science and religion?



Future Look at Us - How future 'scientists' could view us with the logic presently used.



Scientists - Santa - Fairies- God - Conclusion.





Dinosawus Rexes

"MILLIONS of years ago only large reptiles roamed the earth", Dr B Igmouth of Chayngitt University informs us. He goes on further to say, "we now know how they hunted and thought _ as was demonstrated in the movie Dura-Sick Park. We will soon be able to tell you whether they preferred Mac Donald's or Kentucky Fried. Although divorce was uncommon it did occur, and each few-a-hadus had only 3 children. The coppa-sawus was very paranoid, and always running away. The back-a-sawus were very slow moving and couldn't lean over to get their prey, so had to eat monkeys and fruit on trees.

Mr B. Leevinnithin says, "David Rattinburra told me that dinosawuses with teeth definitely ate meat and ones without teeth were definitely vegetarians. I did wonder about things like snakes of course. I know they have fangs but they don't have teeth and are meat eaters not vegetarian. I must be wrong because Rattinburra must be right".

Mr & Mrs Wesea of Canberra say, "we were reading how that a fossil was found containing the footprint of a man and the footprint of a large reptile (dinosaur) on the same piece. If these large reptiles lived in some time before man how could this be"?

Dr Watson of the United Guild for Animal Dental Surgeons said, "yes, the tooth-a-sawus were constantly needing dental work. What is more is that when it came to the crunch, they would afterward have us for lunch _ that's a rhyming joke; you get it"?

Seth (an early earth inhabitant with an alternate opinion) said, "we had some huge animals at first and some largish reptiles. Many with teeth used them for breaking open fruits and coconuts etc. While those without were more to grazing on herbs. Some of these large beasts did eat meat but people killed them off fairly quickly for protection".

Mrs I Reed of Melbourne says, "I went into the museum and saw a huge skull of what was claimed to be a 'tyrannosaurus rex'. I was surprised that they actually did have a real head and it wasn't just a fictitious animal. So I started reading the plaque. It had about 12 lines and on the last one it informed me that they actually only had a TOOTH and the entire rest of the head was assumed. I watched people looking at it and no one read past the first line or so, going away believing that this whole head was really what was found. Now why would the museum create such a deception if they really believed in these proposed creatures"?



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Evolution

Why didn't I evolve into a human so that nothing would step on me?

Dr F Roard (Phd., DOB, FBI, KGB, MIA, POT) said, "things all changed by deformities that survived and got passed on. So we believe that something as complex as an eye just happened by chance. Over MILLIONS of years, of course. It makes it sound more believable when we say that because no one can conceive millions of years. So each deformity that went into making an eye was passed on to the next generation. Now I know what you are thinking. You are wondering why we can't seem to find loads of animals, insects or people existing today with only partly formed eyes. Yes, it is true that there would need to be countless masses of them, for the working eye to exist on such a large scale. Particularly considering the seemingly endless intermediate steps and those who would have therefore failed to evolve the rest of the eye correctly by chance. We try to ignore these facts in the interest of 'truth'. And the theory is popular."

Professor Messa of the Institute for Lost Scientists said, "We believe the other theory where evolution happened because things decided that they needed to change for their environment. Animals also did this. A lizard decided that it wasn't safe or getting enough food on the ground so it thought about the problem and decided that wings were the best solution to the problem and so he'd become a bird. It realised that this would take MILLIONS of years, of course. So as each of its children were born the lizard passed on his plan so that the children would carry on that approach to the problem. They, in turn, had to pass on this approach to their children to resolve the problem also. He had to make sure that they kept on with that plan or they would die out from the problem that they needed to change for. Fortunately he could foresee this problem becoming bad enough to need to make this change MILLIONS of YEARS before they actually would die out. Strangely enough lizards didn't die out anyway. So it was all in vain. But birds are glad that lizards did so; and now some birds feed on lizards, making it all the better that lizards didn't die out, but leaving lizards wondering about the wisdom of it."

Miss White of Brisbane asked, "If we are evolving does that mean we may end up being little green men and going to other planets"?

Professor I Dunno of the Institute for Unemployed Scientists said, "one day life just suddenly sprang up and there was an incredibly complex living cell". I asked how this could happen. He explained that it was sort of statistical/magical luck. "Then the cell got lonely and decided it wanted another one; so it worked out how to evolve so it would be capable of splitting (highly intelligent these cells); and did so. And then there were 2 of them", he said. "And before you know it they were just splitting everywhere and we had piles and piles of them: All over the place". I asked him how no life had ever existed throughout all eternity before that time? "Well this has probably happened elsewhere, I'd suppose", he said. "So this amazing magic of an appearing complex living cell just popping up from nowhere has happened other times you feel professor", I asked? "Well, over many MILLIONS of years, you see", he replied.

Mr/Ms Los Tie-Dentitti says, "women have evolved into men's bodies".

Mr I. L. Watchit asks, "I saw a documentary on TV about moths in a place in England. They explained how there used to be more light moths and few dark ones because the dark ones were seen on the light trees and eaten by birds. But now with so much smog the trees are dark and there are more dark moths, as the birds eat the light ones. But this only proves survival of the fittest. This doesn't prove the evolutionary theory because it was already known when the theory was invented. To prove the theory evidence would have to come forth to prove the theory itself, not the known facts it was based on."?

Mr B Acake of Sydney asks, "as I have rheumatism in my back wouldn't it have been better to have stayed without one"?

Of evolution Dr Pluggitt of Drippie University states, "yes, we now know that bugs turned into people". When I asked him how this could possibly be, he explained, "yes, well, it all happens over MILLIONS of years, you see. Anything can be believed if you talk about MILLIONS of years".



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Space Age

Dr. Rot (expert in space matters) said, "all the evidence of past space exploration by previous civilisations are, in fact, from large beings with the body of a man and the head of animals who came from other planets visiting us (as we see definite archaeological evidence of in Egypt). It is US who are the first earth civilisation in space, tis, tis, tis; I don't care what you've seen. We have the Space Age: It's ours".

Mr Iwunittat Thu-Races MP said, "It is also called the space age because so many people are spaced out on drugs. We realised that arresting people for using drugs and arresting small drug dealers wouldn't solve the problem: We had to get the people farming it and the people at the top to stop it".

"Yes", said his cousin Police Chief Imon Thu-Taik, "we had to put Police on the inside; selling, using the drugs and making a profit from it. The Police have to be drug dealers for years to get the big man. Occasionally we make a bust and show you how we have captured a small portion of what comes in the country every day. And we have been doing this for decades now and look at how successful it has been at stopping drug use"!????

Mr Bell Eavitt of Alcoholics Anonymous asks, "if this is true for drugs then does that mean the Police shouldn't be arresting people for drunk and disorderly or drink-driving either; but that alcoholism can be resolved by Police arresting the owners of the breweries, hop farmers and wine growers"?

Ms. Ino Children of Family Disservices says, "With us having gone into space we naturally now have more defiant children, greater youth crime and suicide. This is because of the release of cosmic rays caused by the entry into space. This problem is compiled with the added pressure of students doing more advanced studies in the final year of high school, such as cooking, acting and how to use a calculator. This along with the pressures of learning how to write letters and play games on computers has really caused great difficulties for them. Obviously these are the causes of the greater disobedience demonstrated in the last generations and not changes in parenting and laws, as some propose".

Once families lived in houses together. But now, with modern technology, we have people living in houses on their own or only one or two others. All this extra room in the house makes what is known as the Space Age.

Mr Gottit of the Foundation for Homeless Parents said, "due to family break-ups more space is needed for more houses to fit the ever decreasing population of each house."

Professor Space Doubt (of NASA) said, "It is great that man has once more visited the moon, but I can't even get back into my house as my wife took my key".

Chairperson McPherson (of Durson, Durson and McPherson) said, "It's this Space Age to blame for everything, you know. I'll be glad when it's over."



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Atomic Theory



In the theory atoms have a nucleus with protons. Then theory scientists talk of electrons sailing around this in orbits. There are so many electrons in each orbit. "We can even tell you how many electrons is in each type of atom", says Mr Smith (Janitor of Bored University). When asked how this could be known considering no one had actually seen anything with these parts he was unavailable for further comment. But Dr. Waff Ell said, "it is really all very obvious. You see we realised that there are substances and they are all different. So obviously the things inside them are the same but different. So we invented the atomic theory to explain it. And we have proven it in the way we prove all 'scientific' theories: We prove that the thing exists for which we created the theory. We have proven it because all things are the same but different. You see. It proves the theory. It's all obvious".

Dr Ell went on further to state, "you take certain facts and make a theory as to why it is so. Then to prove the theory you just prove the facts on which the theory was based. This is called 'modern science'. If you are still finding people don't quite believe you then you just make some large names involved in your theory to make it sound like it must be right, highly complicated and intelligent. Then you put it on TV with David Ratinburra; and everyone believes it".

Prof. Gig (Professor in nuts, bolts and screws of all kinds) said, "atoms are tiny little things that are so small that we can't positively identify one even with what we call 'electron microscopes'. Although we have never seen an atom we know they are there: A bit like leprechauns and Santa Claus really".

Miss Iva Teavy said, "I saw how they said they have seen electrons. But all you could see was that it was a stream of something. The scientists claimed the stream had to be electrons, but had no real proof. It could have been my mother's washing. They also show dots that they claim must be atoms. But these small dots could be anything also".

Doctors White and Knight said, "we have an entirely different theory altogether. We believe that matter is made up of little beings that live in general proximity to each other in communities. Certain things act upon them to create disharmony in the colonies and forces that we use are thus produced".

Prof. Gig commented on this by saying, "we are aware of fringe groups with other theories. But the atomic one sounds nice enough and I have enough trouble with leprechauns digging in my garden to worry about and making sure I hang out my Christmas stocking".

Repairman Mr T. V. Fikzitt says, "the vast majority of TV technicians can tell you of incidences that show there are problems in the theory. Some old circuits start to do things they shouldn't. You find that a diode won't work unless you put a piece of wire in parallel with it and the wire won't work without the diode either _ this completely defies atomic theory".

Mr I. Builditt of Towers Electronics states, "yes, our electronic engineers tell me that the actual methods used for palient-doping of semiconductors and the end result completely refute atomic theory of palient-doping: REAL semiconductor barriers are wrong according to the theory".

Mrs. Lotsa Luck of Coldlotto Inc. said, "have you considered the odds on how close to impossible it would be for someone to make up a theory like the atomic theory and be correct? Over the decades they have invented electrons, protons, a nucleus, orbits, how many in each orbit, effects, attractions, splitting atoms and polarities of orbits. All this without ever seeing one! The odds on them being correct on even one issue is astronomical; let alone on the whole lot".

Scholar Iah Tolla foresees problems ahead with atoms. "Yes", he said, "I noticed this the other day with a block of cheese I left on the table. When I came back the next morning it was smaller. This proved that actually the electrons are getting closer and closer to the nucleus. I foresee a time, MILLIONS of years from now (and I won't be around to be proven wrong), when electrons will actually fall into the nucleus and burn up".




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Philosophies

Mrs I Rimemba of Nerang Qld points out, "I remember in the 70's how that some Psychiatrists and some well known people were presenting that allowing pornography and encouraging masturbation would virtually end rapes occurring: That people could just masturbate themselves and wouldn't need to rape men or women".

"Yes", says Mr A Grea of Broken Hill NSW, "I remember in the 70's how experts were saying that we should put our children in the bath with us and allow them to see us touching each other's private parts. They said that we should encourage them to touch themselves and us so as not to be embarrassed about sex. Perhaps people going to gaol for this now should be sending those Psychiatrists to gaol instead".

Ms A. Gill of the Qld Department of Defective Services says, "if you have problems in your life this isn't because of anything you did, it is because of what someone else did to you. It is your father's fault probably. If not him then it will be your uncle. In rare circumstances it may even be a woman; like a sister, mother or aunty".

Ex-prisoner No-Mor Crym says, "if I believed everything those psychologists taught me in gaol I'd be out committing more crimes than I did before. On the courses they tried to teach me to find one person to completely blame for everything. I'd call this 'globalising'. It teaches inmates to find someone to blame for things done wrong to them and then blame them for everything from the fall of Adam to the rise of Adolf Hitler. This justifies acts of crime against such people. Their psychology is completely unside-down".

Jenny Selph-Thinkin (6-years-old) of Sydney NSW states, "Johnny at school says that a manhole is called that because there's a man in there; and that he knows because he is an expert on it. But I don't think that is true".

Ms Ima Insultant of Women's Lib says, "we said that if men stopped standing up for us in buses, stopped letting us get on the bus first and stopped opening doors for us that they would begin to treat us like men and rape would be greatly reduced. Oh, well, you can't get everything right".

"Yes", says Mrs Chezd Ov of Willawong Billabong, "what idiot decided that by men treating us less respectfully they were going to really respect us more"?

"Yes", says Mr Alwais Drunc of the Blotto Hotel, "now I can treat women like men and punch them in the mouth too. It doesn't matter if you rape 'em because they are just like blokes whom I punch up anyway".

Mr Read Toomuch of Broome WA says, "women can't be the same as blokes because they come from another planet. Some bloke claimed his wife came from Venus. I always thought mine came from Mars. Obviously that guy had the same problem. I could just see him, as I was reading his book, sitting there gritting his teeth and saying 'she comes from another planet, that's what it is, she comes from another planet'".

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Ice Age


This was a cool time when everyone stayed inside and got to play lots of bored games (er.. board games). The world went through a freezing time where all fridge manufacturing came to a standstill. Fortunately the demand for heaters made up for this keeping the stock market relatively stable. Many species died out during this period, including door-to-door salesman and posties.

Mrs Ima Green of the Wilderness Society said, "in the Ice Age we had a serious drop in membership numbers. Even the trees left".

Ms I. Distortpast of Women's Lib said, "we had a serious problem trying to persuade women that they were better off leaving the home and going out. They also couldn't take their children to someone else to raise at a child minding centre. It was a terrible time."

Professor Theo Ree of Fakitt University said, "This was a time when many dinosawus rexes had a lot of digestinal problems. Studies have shown that there was a huge loss of ant numbers due to the ice. We have evidence to prove that these ants were used in the stomach to help break down the large animals eaten by the dinosawus. Actually Dr. W. E. Fakitt, whom our university was named after, wrote a long thesis on this subject which presented the full body of evidence for this. Unfortunately the janitor read it and burned it thinking it was an old comedy skit".

Dr Butcher of Ikillem Abortion Clinic points out the problem of population control at the time. "Yes, numbers of people should have actually dropped then except that expectant mothers couldn't come along and have the baby .. er .. foetus killed .. er .. terminated. But with over 100 thousand children terminated in Australia alone last year we are now making up for it. I can't understand why we are cursed with drought; it must be a natural weather effect, I'm sure".

Ranger Don Tlooktoodeep of Prime Ate Reserve said, "This was the time when monkeys turned into gorillas over MILLIONS of years. This occurred because of the loss of trees. Since there were no trees for the monkeys to hang from they de-evolved their tails and began to develop longer arms to catch fish".

Comrad Ima-red Onyabed of the Democratic Socialist party said, "This was a time when all people had an equal share of nothing. Our great leader Ima-red Inya-govinmant said, 'If only we could show people how good it is to have all people being equally nothing and having no different opinion. If all people agreed with me about everything there would be perfect peace'".

Editor Eye-gnor Facts of the Brisbane Fun newspaper said, "it is amazing how we are just going forward into an inevitably better and better future regardless of what we do: It is as inevitable as me winning gold lotto next week (which, naturally, I will). The ice age was just a small part of our continual progression. Evidence of our progress is shown in that people now aren't so frigid. This has all been deeply thawed out by what we call 'historians'".



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Stone Age

This is a time when we know that every man woman and child on the planet was definitely living in a cave, or extremely crude dwelling. Doctor Kev Mann of Brickhead University states, "we found that by changing dating methods for each cave group, until we got the dates we wanted, we were able to prove that they all lived in caves at the same time. Because there were some instances where even this became difficult we came up with the migration theory and 'proved' where they migrated from and where to".

Having recently seen a documentary which proved that the French cavemen actually came from Japan (it did this by showing how that in France there were cave paintings done by a person blowing paint onto the cave wall. It pointed out that they had found this done in Japan; so obviously this was evidence of a migration from Japan) I questioned Professor Blockhead of Fundus Science Institute in regard this matter. I realised that I had seen children in Australia put their hands in paint and make a handprint on paper. I had seen similar pictures done in Japan. This made me ask if this was evidence that Australians had, in fact, migrated from Japan. "This is definitely a possibility that we should get some funding to investigate", he said, "there is certainly evidence of Japanese influence in Australia".

"Man were once all living in caves and then eventually they all began to build crude buildings which brought on the New Stone Age", said Anthropologist "Digger" Bones. I asked Bones why it was that the New Stone Age building shown in my science book had a more modern city found under it by recent diggings. This had Bones rattled at first. "Yes, he said, we have a policy of ignoring such things as they only get in the way of our evidence. But we will look into it with sufficient funding from someone. ANYONE"!

Further evidence of an actual Stone Age exists at any railroad station where it can be seen from the graffiti that man still has a race memory of the cave days of our ancestors.

Doctor Marilyn Munroe of Dur University said, "Uh…er…yes, I think I was once a caveman, in a past life".

Mr Don Belleavittall of Ballarat says, "we have the American Indians who were making axe heads made of stone and using wooden bows many centuries after their forefathers were doing complex skull operations using steel implements (and there is also evidence of space exploration at some stage)".

Professor Essour (of the Besser Institute for Retired Scientists) said recently, "the fact that there was a period when all peoples lived in caves can be evidenced by the fact that there are stones in all caves. This proves a definite Stone Age".


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The Brain

Prof M. Indlez of Thinkinblob Institute informs us, "The brain has actually been proven to think because electrical impulses occur in the brain when we think. We therefore know that it must be the brain thinking. You see the brain is shaped so that it thinks. It's all very obvious, really".

Dr S. Lice of Kuttemmup Medical Clinic stated, "Certain parts of people's brains produce electrical impulses when certain thoughts occur. This led us to realise the 'fact' that it must have been these parts which created the thought. We think better than gorillas because we evolved an extra bit on our brain that we loosely term the 'human part'".

Mr Lookattit of Seeker Street Wochumackallitt notes, "I was watching a documentary once that showed all these people born with less than normal brain and they were just like everyone else. Many didn't have the so call 'human part'. Some had almost no brain at all and were completely normal. It mentioned that it was because their brain was originally formed that way in the womb".

"Yes", says Miss Mary Brown of Smithville, "I read how that one child was born with no brain whatsoever and had survived the time in the mother's womb and lived for 27 days outside it also. It drank and soiled its nappy (pants) etc just like any other baby. When they did the autopsy they found it only had liquid where the brain should be. The baby's intelligence had used the liquid to produce the electrical impulses to get the body to do things because there was no brain".

When asked about this Prof M. Indlez said that he had too much on his mind and so his brain was too busy to answer.

Dr Lung Chbreak (late) of the Doctors for Early Retirement Institute once stated, "We made a perfect replica of the brain in the 60's and still can't get a single solitary thought out of it. We have tried all sorts of things".

Researcher Upen Thuair mentions, "we did note that when people think the big toes respond. And we are now starting to realise that it might be our big toe that does the thinking. I removed both of my big toes in the tests and haven't found anything yet. But this could be because having removed my toes I can't think now. I'm sure that further study will reveal more. Does anyone have any big toes they wish to donate for testing? Just leave them at the front desk and I'll stumble down and get them".



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Monolithic Age _ This is the time when monoliths proliferated upon the earth. It is believed that they came from space. However, some hypothesise that they evolved from ant hills. But most scientists conclude that with dinosawus rexes wandering all over the place ants would have been squashed and wouldn't have been able to build such large mounds. The monoliths were so common at this time that the animals began dying from the boredom. Thus in order to survive, over the MILLIONS of years, animals evolved ways to paint the monoliths different colours. But this still only put off the inevitable extinction of all species if something more drastic wasn't done. It is proposed by some that the animals were responsible for the next change of period but others propose a change in what came from space was the likely cause.

Stereolithic Age _ At this time there was a shift to monoliths coming in pairs. This created a greater balance in the animals. Even large animals seemed to gain great comfort from standing between the two monoliths. In fact many bones have been found in areas where it is believed that great monoliths probably stood. Prof. Bones has said, "this theory has been proven because many large reptilian bones have been found in areas where it is proposed that large monoliths stood". Doctor Rot, who has a doctorate in Monoliths, said that although further grants are required for further study in the subject, certainly there is much wisdom in belief in the current evidence. He further proposes that this actually led to man evolving two ears and feeling more comfortable listening to stereo.




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Dating Methods

Professor Lessor of Fundus Institute commented, "we use the finest dating methods. And we know that we are right that these bones are MILLIONS of years old. Carbon dating has been shown to be correct sometimes, to some degree, over periods of hundreds of years _ usually only being hundreds of years out. And we have other dating methods now that are almost as accurate; particularly when we recalibrate our machines when we know what date is required".

Mr Form at Hard Drive said, "I was watching a program on TV the other day that carbon dated a skull found in Australia to be 2,500 years old. But the scientists didn't like that date so they went around trying all these other dating methods and finally found one that said it was about 60,000 to 70,000 years old and so they took those dates. When asked why they didn't use the carbon dating method that is so 'accurate' they said it was because the lime in the soil must have confused it".

Dr G Etpade of Theoretic Institute stated, "we are at a new age now where we no longer have the problems of science in the past that almost always had theories that have been proven wrong in spite of them proving them right at the time. All our theories are correct because we have proven them right on TV. We also have a new advantage to use to convince people we're right called 'dating methods'. This is a cleaver idea where you use some instrument to obtain the date you want. We decide it's MILLIONS of years old then it becomes MILLIONS of years old".

Elder Harris (The Church of Jesus Christ LDS missionary) questions, "I have heard that a rock formed by a volcano only a short time before was carbon dated to be MILLIONS of years old. Also that a rock only a few years old, brought back from the moon, was similarly dated. On both occasions the truth had been kept from those doing the dating. Why should anyone believe all this, unproven, MILLIONS of years stuff"?

Dr Thinkitt of the Local Logicians Club said, "All accepted fact must be based on proven facts (premises). Therefore talk of MILLIONS of years is illogical as no one can PROVE what happened in a time of which we have no way to prove it absolutely correct. If someone makes a claim about ancient Egypt from known facts about Egypt it could be logical. But we have no written record of MILLIONS of years ago and we can't go back to prove or disprove the claim or the premises upon which it is based: Regardless of what instruments are used. No logician could accept someone saying they KNOW about MILLIONS of years ago as anything but the ravings of a fool".

Miss Daytmee of Hobart says, "yes, well, my dating method is to play hard to get".



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Iron Age

"This was a time when iron first came into use", states Dr Whats-It of Knowall University. He went on to say, "as usual, the fact that steel has been discovered to have been used before this time is only ignored by us in the pursuit of knowledge".

Mrs Smith of Adelaide Australia says, "what are you talking about, us women have been having to do the ironing since the beginning".

Professor Con. Fuzd of the Society for Unemployed Scientists said, "yeees, the iron age was when everyone thought the world was round. We ironed that one out quick smart. Any fool can see the world ees flat, you don't need a scientist to confuse you there. Er … was that said right? But further research is needed for this and anyone with funds to hire us is very welcome. VERY welcome, indeed. I have all my instruments and can help you prove whatever it is you want discovered". Anyone! Funds!

Mr Nokofferli of the Federated Union of Copper Workers said, "the rediscovery of the use of iron in that part of the world put many of our members out of work. It's this new-fangelled iron that is to blame for present unemployment levels. Copper is better. We should make our airplanes of copper. All our ships should be made from copper too".

Ms W E Haitmenn of Women's Lib said, "women always have done the hard work at home while the men were out working in the fields and getting killed in heavy wars. Now men have created so much peace we are standing up and saying enough is enough, it is time we took men's place as managers and they did the ironing".




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Bronze Age
"This was a time when Australia always came third", says Lawry-Lawrence of the Swimming Pool. He went on further to say, "those blasted Yanks and Ruskies won everything".

Ms I. Wonawin of the Wottevagetsuvote Party said, "yes, I lost the election that year. I was very brassed off about that. I'm sure that the rediscovery of bronze had something to do with it and the electorate really loved me".

Mrs Ineada Holiday of the Australian Tourist Bureau said, "this was the time when beaches first came into common use and the Bronzed Aussie was invented".




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The Dark Ages

This was the time of Darth Vader. Also other people in armour roamed freely.

"Yes", says Mr Shawt Sited, "it was a truly dark time. I couldn't see a thing because I'd lost my glasses. The Roman optometrist that made them was dead and no-one knew how to make them any more".

Ms Dontthinkdeepli of Women's Lib says, "This was a time when due to constant wars we found it safer to give up on our Women's Lib and go back to the kitchen and just encouraged the men to go out and fight for us _ I'm not entirely stupid you know".

Miss Jones (historical secretary) commented, "the historians tell us that this was just a time when knowledge stood still. But from what I have observed it is plain that great knowledge was obviously lost; some we may not have back yet".

Mr I. M. Looken said, "I noticed in the film of Cleopatra that a Roman soldier was wearing a watch. So obviously they had them before the dark ages".

Dr Dolittle of Doonuthin Institute of Science said, "the dark ages was really called that because of there being so many knights". When I asked him what he meant by this he said, "well with all those knights of course it was dark".

Sir Moldie says of that time, "it was really called the dark ages because we were stuck in those silly castles with no windows. People had glass thousands of years before but I couldn't find a glazier anywhere".




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Monkey-Ape Time

Mrs Iva Tail (Dean of Makittup University) declared, "Our direct forefathers were gorillas. We straightened our backs and shortened our arms. The latter meant we couldn't have such high shelves of course. But you can't have everything. Yes, we must have come from gorillas because they look more like us on the outside than anything else. That's obvious proof".

"Yes", said Prof Gig (Professor in nuts bolts and screws of all kinds), "many years ago they used to talk about how intelligent dogs were but now we say how intelligent gorillas are. Soon we will have research to prove that they are more intelligent than all other animals; if we can get someone to fund it".

Mrs Soarit of Perth WA says, "I watched it on TV, how they put a monkey in a room with a box and put a banana on a string that he couldn't reach. The monkey worked out to move the box over and get onto it to get the banana. The only thing is I've seen a dog do the same thing years before".

Dr Ivanew Mith (Vetinary Surgeon of Wefixit Clinic) said, "a gorillas stomach is very different from ours and many other parts. If we ate what a gorilla eats in a day (bamboo shoots) we would be dead. We are more like a horse in eating habits and can eat most things they do. Also we can eat most things birds eat. So horses or birds must be our closest relatives".

Dr R E Movitt (Brain Surgeon of Qurem Hospital) said, "Talk is made of people having a so called "human" extra piece on our brains, that apes don't have, that makes us more intelligent. But there are many people who are born without this section as a deformity but it creates no thinking or action disability: The person is completely normal".

Prof Gig stated in regard these things; "there are always facts we need to ignore in the pursuit of theoretical science and funding. In this case quite a lot of facts. But then we also get a lot of funding here, as it's a popular theory".

Miss Itneedsta Makesens commented, "even if we found a group of monkeys that once wrote their history it still wouldn't prove that apes changed into man. All it would prove is that we found an intelligent group of apes. And anyone with any imagination could come up with another theory of our existence that would sound far more realistic than apes changing into people _ or at least equally as irrational".




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Fact or Fiction

Miss Hava Looc of Sealittle Obserbvatory says, "when we had a space probe go past Saturn we discovered that ALL commonly held claims of the scientists about that which is around Saturn were wrong".

Mr R Eeson of the Group of News Watchers states, "I remember in the 50's and 60's how we used to talk about if it were possible to have test-tube babies: The question of whether life could be created in a test tube and have a baby without parents. This discussion of test-tube babies went on for a long time until scientists claimed they had made a test-tube baby. But this was false because all they did was take an egg, which a woman had produced, and put in sperm, which a man had produced. It then has to be transferred back to the woman for normal growth to occur: Hardly what was in debate"!

Prof Twidl Thumz responds, "yes, well, it sold newspapers that day and sounded good. Besides, it took the pressure off us to come up with a real test-tube baby and made it seem like we were gods even though we hadn't. It also gave our followers greater faith in us".

Mrs Wee Seeorl of Perth states, "I remember in the 70's there were claims that homosexuality was because some men had more female hormones than male hormones. Research showed this to be false; and that if a person had more female hormones they would be a female. However then some scientists were hired by a homosexual group who 'discovered' it to be true".

Mr I. Think of the small Group of Thinking Psychologists says, "everyone goes through a physical change some time around 12 years old. This includes a change in hormones. There will be small periods of there being more than usual amounts of hormones of the opposite sex. This can cause a moment where there can be a sudden attraction to the same sex. With current confusion in society on this issue a person may then think they are somehow homosexual or lesbian because of this. This can also occasionally occur at any stage of life. However this will pass as males are males and females are females. Homosexual or lesbian activity is chosen not hormonal".

Mr Itz Hogwash of Canberra asks, "if homosexuality is natural (as some scientists claim) then why is it that animals don't accept it? If a suddenly randy male dog tries to mount another one (and such even will do so with a lamppost, so that doesn't suggest homosexuality) the dog underneath NEVER accepts the penis being placed in his backside. Surely we would have many dogs that would accept it. Yet having been brought up in a suburb with dogs everywhere I never saw it once. Any claims of some animal that does; I would have to see and study the facts personally to believe _ I mention dogs because they live among us and we KNOW the facts. And if it were natural surely we should be seeing it all over the place".

Ms A. Dill (Psychologist) of the Qld Department of Deceptive Services stated, "facts are merely what we believe to be fact. If we believe something it will become fact to us. We just guide people's facts, you see"?

I questioned Ms Dill, "if I walked off a cliff and believed I'd be alright would it be fact then that I wouldn't die"? To this question she stated, "you aren't supposed to really think about what many Psychologists and scientists say too deeply, but just blindly accept because it sounds good".

Miss S. Vandenberg (LDS) of Brisbane states, "Jesus Christ said that we can change ourselves. But modern psychology claims that is impossible: We can only learn to control our appetites. Jesus Christ said that if we want to have real happiness we need to change our thinking and actions. But modern psychology teaches that our problems are caused by what someone else did to us and that them suffering will make us feel better. Jesus Christ taught not to get divorced unless the partner has committed adultery. But modern psychologists teach it's good to get a divorce if you aren't entirely satisfied. And now we have all these unmarried women, who blame their ex-husband for everything wrong, all over the place; and no man will marry them. Jesus Christ taught that if you are angry you are in hell fire. But modern psychology teaches that it is good to be angry and this will help you to be happy. I don't see angry people thinking very sensibly about what they are doing. Anger is used as an excuse for crime. So should I believe modern psychology in these things or the ancient psychology of Jesus Christ"?




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Science - Religion

Cardinal Hisleves said, "In 1990 the Roman Catholic Church had over 900 million baptised members. This doesn't mean they all believed all the doctrines of the church; but were at least baptised".

Ayatollah Dyasso says, "93% of Iranians are Shiite Muslims, and 99% of Iranians are Muslim. And the people sort of follow what we say".

Reverend Col R. Bakwards of the St. Moses' Baptist Church says, "although Protestant church numbers are dwindling and most of our doctrines aren't believed, people still come along to services and say the name of Christ. We tell them they are saved if they do that. I usually make a few brief quotes from the Bible in my sermons; and I did have to read it once to pass ministerial college. So we sort of believe something".

Professor of Religion Mynda Yabisness points out; "one religion has far superior numbers to these. Not only that, but its members believe everything their priest tells them without really investigating to see how true it is. It has a following of around 300 million people in the US and around 20 million in Australia. Its world following is staggering. The real number of followers worldwide couldn't possibly be guessed. Except by its priests (who really wouldn't know but would tell you they do; and their figures would be believed). That religion is called 'Modern Science'".

Ms D. Ur of Women's Lib says, "the Bible can't be right because it says God is a man; and we know he's a woman. And Einstein can't be right because he's a man too".

Mr Seakand Yullfind of Darwin states, "I know God has a church that is really his somewhere. All I've got to do is keep praying and looking until I find it".




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Future Look at Us

If our civilisation was discovered by future theory scientists what may they conclude from the evidence?

Dr. I. M. Shaw of the Guild of Undiscovered Scientists (Founded in 2105AD) wrote, "We have noticed a serious shortage of metal began to occur sometime after about the year 1970. Once these people were blessed with abundance; and had many things made of metal. But as time went on their cars became thinner and thinner. They also became smaller. Car manufacturers used the excuse that this made the car safer to continue car sales. This strange claim seemed to have been accepted by the general population as being accurate".

"Yes", says Prof Toff of Nosomethin University, "we have found that metals became so rare that instead of people having good metal wrist watches, as were had, they began to have poor quality plastic watches. Car door fittings began to be made of plastic also. This is further evidence of a definite extreme shortage of metal".

Scholar Dolla of the B. Ackward University states, "the people at that time also had problems with some (now extinct) creatures which destroyed their forests. These creatures were themselves eventually destroyed, but apparently created a severe wood shortage in the meantime. It is interesting to note that these creatures didn't entirely eat the wood whole but left nothing but piles of wood chips. Thus the people had to glue the wood together and make what was termed by them as 'chipboard'".

"This is true", declares Prof Toff. He goes on further to say; "these creatures obviously had poor eyesight and therefore could only see the trees. Once there were only chips remaining the creatures couldn't see them".

Dr. Weeno of the Blue Foundation for Unemployed Scientists wrote, "These creatures also must not have had molars for grinding down the wood and thus we see the large amount of chips of wood left. So this would have been a creature with very sharp teeth for destroying the trees. The people obviously took advantage of its blindness and lay down so they wouldn't be eaten. The trees however were standing up and so were seen. The creatures weren't large, as it was very skilled at avoiding the trees as they fell. It had ways of communicating with the other creatures of it's type (we call them a 'Chopup-a-neversaurs') to move as the trees were falling".

Prof. Soritt of the Bentmii Home for Wayward Scientists said, "this shortage of building material was also noted in the houses where later houses were often poorly constructed and many large buildings had to use glass instead of brick. What they termed 'building inspectors' seem to have been hired to make sure that this was done".

Dr. Tocktor, of Spaestowt Research, in regard this shortage stated, "the shortage of metal at this period also stopped a vigorous space program. Evidence shows that they had been sending rocket ships into the outer atmosphere. They may have even been trying to get to the moon. But because of the price of metal rising NASA had to go into the manufacture of commercial airplanes. They designed and manufactured a new two winged airplane called a 'space shuttle'. However there wasn't much space in the shuttle at all. And it didn't carry many passengers but were very strong; and so were obviously made for the rich only".

Reverend Pae Mei of the Florwoble Pentecostal Church said, "the scientists inform us that the people back then had a strange religious cult. It required people to have a box (made of wood or plastic) in the main family room. They called it an 'Idiot Box'. It appears to have been an item of worship for each family. All homes were required to have these; and it is possible that disobedience meant death".

"Yes", states Dr. D Eth (with a Doctorate in Ancient Religions) of Saint Adam's Church of Iceland, "these boxes must have been used by parents who put a child on them when they did something stupid. It is most probable that they had to stand on the idiot box for long periods and worship the box. After doing this, the box obviously would need cleaning. Cleaning it afterward would have been part of the punishment".

Prof L Aisea of the Laust University stated, "research shows they had a large civilisation. We have found evidence of buildings as high as seven stories. We have found that they used a primitive type of concrete. Large concrete stones were placed one upon another in some of their buildings. How they got these stones up there remains a mystery. Today we would just use cranes. Some feel that they must have built dirt platforms and used slave labour to drag the stones up there. Evidence for this theory has arisen in the discovery of many small boards with wheels underneath. Obviously the boards were designed by the ancients for some kind of carriage purpose. Some argue that the weight of the stones would have crushed these boards. But the general consensus amount scientists today is that with a sufficient number of these boards it would have been possible".




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Scientists - Santa Claus - Fairies - God

There will be those who feel upset from this analysis of science given. There could also be a desire to ask what I'm proposing instead of believing in "scientists" and modern concepts as having the answers to life: Some feeling that pulling down all alternate concepts will somehow make "modern science" alright. However a concept shouldn't be believed just because you can't think of a better idea, but because it is true.

The reality is that so called "science" (the word means "knowledge") isn't what it claims to be. It is getting further and further away from the truth as it gets more and more absorbed in all this nonsense. Fortunately engineers are living in the real scientific world where theories have to actually be proven by facts _ a real working object (TV, computer etc). It isn't TV personalities or theory "scientists" who are advancing our actual scientific technology. These clowns are just standing on the backs of real scientists. Keep that firmly in mind.

As to Santa Claus, fairies or God this is for you to find for yourself. "The truth is out there". But here are some proposed places to look.

Santa: Myer Centre at Christmas Time, TV on Christmas Day

Fairies: In your garden, Never-never Land (if you can find it)

God:
http://www.mormon.org, LDS (Mormonism) Deep Doctrine



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